How To Avoid Blaming Yourself When You’re Left At The Alter

How to not fall apart in the first stages of grief

It’s so easy to blame yourself for losing your loved one. Especially forever losing your fiancé to the roommate stage of parenting (and a court battle with his ex). I imagine that it’d be the same with a loved one dying, but I can only speak to what I know.

Here’s what I did so that I didn’t lose myself to self- blame and destroyed self- worth. Keep in mind that men, father figures, have been in the habit of leaving my family, and therefore me, my entire life.

There’s been 3 that have directly impacted me. My fiancé was the first man that I let in like that ,EVER. So I’m a little scarred and it makes things worse.

Photo of post-it note written and taken by author

Please note that NONE of this is to shame or put down the person who did the leaving (especially not my ex-fiancé). Truth-be-told, I still love him with the same sense of certainty and intensity as before. Am I hurt? Oh completely, but that doesn’t mean his actions, or that of the person in your life, should be condemned or shamed. They’re probably not bad people simply because they did this. Either way though, we don’t truly know what’s going on in their lives that they’ve hidden or felt they couldn’t talk to us about. The point of this article is simply to help with our…